Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Jersey Shore: How Will They Destroy The New House?

People have been pretty impressed to see the house the Jersey Shore cast lived in while in Florence earlier this year. I must admit, it looks much nicer than I expected when I heard the spot was formerly a bank.

The cast isn't particularly known for their restraint, and we certainly can't expect them to keep this house any tidier than the last two. Let's take a moment to remember just a few of the ways that Sitch & co. destroyed their former cribs:

- In a particularly violent tiff with Sammi last season, Ronnie tore apart their bedroom, threw her bed outside, and smashed most of her belongings, including her glasses.

- In Miami, someone (they accuse Angelina) left a used pad on the floor in the bathroom. Situation retaliates by putting the pad under Angelina's pillow. The phrase "dirty little hamster" was born, and the world was never the same.

- Back in Jersey last summer, a mystery pair of dirty white period underwear were discovered in the bathroom. Pauly demands someone take responsibility for the panties, but no one comes forward. We know they aren't Pauly's; he has the same kind, but his are red.

- Also in last season, Snooki wants to get back at Situation for a prank. She smears stinky cheese in his sheets, causing him to think one of the girls he brings home has some sort of disease.

- The Seaside house was plagued with plumbing issues in Season 3. When the cast had finally clogged all the toilets (someone had to drop a deuce in an already clogged toilet on top of everything), they were forced to call a plumber, and we discovered part of the problem. Someone had flushed a wifebeater down the toilet: size small. Obvious culprit: Vinny. The girls think he dropped it in the toilet and didn't want to reach in to take it out. Pauly suspects Vinny got spooked by an alien invasion and used the wifebeater to cover his eyes, and then flushed it to hide the evidence of the invasion. The cast teaches America the term "guinea tee," which apparently no one knew.

- The Situation, angry with his roommates and home alone with J-Woww's dogs, unleashes the dogs on the house encouraging them to poop anywhere and everywhere, after allowing them to eat out of the garbage.

As far as we can see from the extended trailer, I suspect that before Ronnie knocks Situation out, he takes a little time to flip his bed over as well. There's plenty of more destruction in store for us.

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